Mattie Muse: Happy

First and foremost, I just want to say thank you to all of you who wished me a happy birthday yesterday via Facebook, Twitter & email yesterday. You guys sure know how to make a girl feel special.

It was certainly a happy birthday.

Some of you may remember but last spring, Hubs and I were pregnant. Last year this time – about a week before my birthday – I had a miscarriage. I wish I had some witty line to make it seem like it wasn’t that bad but it was quite devastating. I’ve wondered about sharing this story with you guys many times but it just didn’t feel right.

Until now.

It was possibly one of, if not the MOST difficult things I have ever gone through. The pregnancy had gotten incredibly painful for the last 2 weeks because we discovered I had 2 fibroids – one which was 13cm (the size of a cantaloupe). A week later, I had to celebrate my birthday, which I really didn’t want to but my amazing friends came over and threw me a birthday brunch.

While I have always been a generally happy person, this was the strongest test of my happiness. I asked God many times why this had happened. I wondered if we could ever recover from this and quite honestly, I wondered if I would ever be as happy as I once was. Turns out, I am. A lot happier.

Nothing happens to us that we can’t handle. God just doesn’t work like that. Each day I made the choice to be happy – and allowed myself to have bad days. My nephews and nieces made me feel a lot better and when I see babies, I am beaming. It wasn’t always like that though, but crying every single day over one of the “downs” of your life really makes you miss the inevitable “ups”. I’m completely healthy – even with fibroids, I’ve had the best professional year of my life, I have mentors (…plural) and a husband who blows me away daily because of how much he loves me.

All to say, I have a lot to be happy about. Quite frankly, while last year was devastating it also built my character. I learned that I’m not easily broken and that at the end of the day, regardless of our trials, my happiness is my choice. I choose it, daily, and will continue to until the day I die.

So was it a happy birthday? Abso-freakin-lutely.

TOP: H&M dress | SKIRT: ZARA | SHOES: MICHAEL Michael Kors | BAG: H&M | SUNNIES: vintage per American Apparel | NECKLACE: Nakate | BRACELETS: Mattieologie x Miss B Fab

11 Responses to Mattie Muse: Happy

  1. You showed such courage in sharing your story.
    I am sorry to hear of your miscarriage.

    I am glad you had a great birthday this year.
    Geminis rule!

    <3 your outfit and your hair!

  2. Happy to hear you had a great birthday. Thank you for sharing your story with your readers.

  3. I remember learning of your miscarriage last year, and my heart broke for you Mattie, but God never gives you more than you can bear, and all trials make us better in the end. So God bless you in my dear! I am glad you are happy, had a happy birthday this year, and are preparing to have a happy 28th year!

  4. Te'Rea

    I am sorry you had to experience that. Thank you for your inspirational words. I am going through a major trial right now that I just sometimes don’t see a happy place down the road, but I keep praying and having faith that it is. So your words brought confirmation for me today.**tears**!

  5. Racheal

    I told you happy bday and called and chatted last year when everything happened. I am soooo sorry you had to go through that, but what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger :) I am SURE God will make you a fffaaabbbbbbuuulllooouuussss mommy one day, but in the meantime I’ve got a Prince you can come borrow ANYTIME!!!

    <3 ya girlie

  6. Ria

    Oh my goodness, I’m sorry to hear about your last year. You are certainly a powerhouse and I admire you so much. I’m thrilled that you had a fabulous birthday this year and can’t wait to see you next weekend.

  7. Happy Belated Birthday Girlie!! I’m very sorry about your loss, but I know God has a plan for your life and although it may have not been clear at the time.. it has proven to now become somewhat more clearer!! You have truly succeeded in many aspects of your life, learned to depend on Him, AND learned to appreciate the things you once thought you already had a GREAT AMOUNT of appreciation for! I look forward to your your future and I say pray and see what God wants for your life! You will one day be an amazing mother! And there’s no doubt about it!!

    And as always, BEAUTIFUL outfit!!


  8. Wow Mattie! You are very strong and thank you for sharing your story! I went through the same thing this year for my 30th birthday. My husband and I had a missed miscarriage and had to terminate our pregnancy. I didn’t think I would make it through, but I did and we are happier and trying again! I’m so proud of you & wish you the very best!

  9. Ms Mattie I teared up on this ( im also on my… lol) but besides that its just great so honest and sharing..and not being a fashion junkie these articles r the reason i love your blog..1 question r they always under mattie muse or they just are where they are…From a lover of your blog Michelle Walker!!!!!!

  10. Your hair looks fantastic and those colors are great…I love this!

  11. Loving this outfit, great combo love!

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